i've been thinking about this trevor project "it gets better" campaign a lot lately. something hasn't been sitting right with me, but i haven't had the time to devote too much attention to it. pat asked me for my take on it today and i had a chance to flesh out my thoughts, which turned into somewhat of a rant:
we need to stop promising gay youth that it gets better when the fact is, it does not and will not get better until we have an open and honest conversation about homophobia and how it continues to pervade every social, political, and legal institution in this society. it doesn't get better when gay youth still will not have the right to marry in most states or the ability to serve openly in the military. it doesn't get better when all youth continue to be mocked for expressing a gender or sexual identity that strays from the binary. it does not get better when we teach children that heterosexuality is the default and to love any other way will alienate you from your family, your friends, and your government. it doesn't get better when we reinforce and reward antiquated gender and sexuality stereotypes. it doesn't get better when we justify hate based on religion and relegate a core component of an individual's being to a "lifestyle choice".
you know what does happen? gay youth will develop coping mechanisms because they have to in order to survive. they will internalize homophobia and hate. they will grown up resenting that core component of their being, perhaps suppressing it, perhaps actively denying it. they will be afraid of coming out to their families for fear that they may lose their entire support structure. they will be told that they are being too sensitive when they object to the use of homophobic slurs. they will be told that their rights will be a priority when their so called "allies" on the left decide to make them a priority.
we need to stop promising these kids that it will "get better" when straight folks decide it will. but its not just about marriage and equality. its about hate, and how our society embraces and rewards that hate. we need to challenge every single instance of homophobia, no matter how "insignificant" or "colloquial", in every arena. we need to hold media, the government, and society at large accountable for their homophobic views. we need to stop enforcing the compulsory order of sex, gender, and desire. we need society to understand that these kids will keep killing themselves, that lgbtq folks will continue to be abused, harassed, mocked, degraded and treated as second class citizens unless we do something about it.
as to what that "something" is, i sure as hell don't know. i do know that it starts with education and acceptance, not with an empty promise that "things will get better" in a society where that has not, and will not be the case.

too tired to edit that tirade, but i did find a more eloquent take on the issue that goes deeper:

But none of this justifies a logistical leap to the point of arguing that allowing gays to get married or join the army will somehow make people hate queers, or people they think of as queers, less. When a queer gets bashed, the basher isn't thinking, "I hope this person isn't the married kind because THEY would be all right." The issue facing us is not how to make the bigots love us, but the bigotry they express. Which is to say: twisting and turning gay marriage into a solution for queer suicides is an abhorrent tactic to bolster the cause of gay marriage, on which there is no consensus in the LGBTQ community. The simple truth is that people hate us and will cause us harm. They may hate us because they secretly see themselves in us and are terrified of what that means, or they may hate us simply because they see us as the evil to be wiped out. But they hate us and they will cause us harm. The fact that we might be able to marry will not make a bit of difference to such deep-seated hatred. 

link to full article (its definitely worth a read):
http://www.windycitymediagroup.com/ARTICLE.php?AID=29016