a male womens studies teacher on "man bashing" and other defense mechanisms used to defuse women's legitimate anger:
Part of being a pro-feminist man, I've come to realize in recent years, is being willing to face the real anger of real women. Far too many men spend a great deal of time trying to talk women out of their anger, or by creating social pressures that remind women of the consequences of expressing that anger. Many men, frankly, are profoundly frightened by women who will directly challenge them. In a classroom, they don't really fear being struck or hit. But by comparing a verbal attack on their own sexist attitudes towards physical violence, they hope to defuse the verbal expression of very real female pain and frustration. I know that it's hard to be a young man in a feminist setting for the first time, and I know, (oh, how I know) how difficult it is to sit and listen to someone challenge you on your most basic beliefs about your identity, your sexuality, your behavior, and your beliefs about gender. It's difficult to take the risk to speak up and push back a bit, and it's scary to realize just how infuriating your views really are to other people, especially women.
The first task of the pro-feminist male in this situation is to accept the reality and the legitimacy of the frustration and disappointment and anger that so many women have with men, and to accept it without making light of it or trying to defuse it or trying to soothe it. Pro-feminist men must work to confront their own fears about being the target of those feelings. Above all, we cannot ever compare -- even in jest -- verbal expressions of strong emotion to actual physical violence or man-bashing.
here's a link to the rest of the article- definitely worth a full read.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm not sure how much I buy into his observation. Prefacing a statement that you feel will be insulting as such isn't a specifically tailored social mechanism for males in women's studies classes.
ReplyDeleteAdditionally, if the men attending these classes are pro-feminist, then they probably understand and share the frustration to the extent that they can.
That all said, I think more than anything this points out that when confronted with issues involving their own identity and issues of social inequality that it is natural for people err on the side of caution when they speak; specifically on matters that they can not speak on based on their own experiences.
I might argue against his two behavioral claims, but this is a great example of a disconnect between the observations and lives of women and the lack of awareness about these things among men.
i'm not sure if you read the whole article but his point was not about people prefacing their statements with doubt- i notice women and men do this all the time. but people generally preface statements with uncertainty: "i dont know if this is true but..." or "i could be wrong but..."
ReplyDeletethe point he was trying to make was about men evoking images of physical violence, specifically in cases when they are saying something that may conflict with or challenge feminist ideals.
this happens to me all.the.fucking.time. "well you're probably going to want to castrate me but i really don't think feminism is relevant" or "don't murder me, but i think that hillary clinton is a cunt".
there is a difference between prefacing a statement with doubt or uncertainty, and prefacing a statement with fear of physical assault. particularly when physical violence is in no way practical and/or imminent. physical violence is generally reactive and/or irrational, so when you say "don't kill me but i just don't think a woman should be president" it implies that the anticipated (pro-feminist) response is irrational, and also serves to remind women that physical violence at the hands of men is a real and constant threat in their everyday lives in a way that is not true for (most) men. particularly when they challenge the world order straight white able bodied men have worked so long and hard to establish as the cultural norm. (let me know if you need clarification on this last point- its hard for me to articulate it in writing without delving too much into feminist theory)
further, it implies the person is not willing to engage in a conversation- they want to put their opinion out there, and want you accept it without challenge. because they fear a verbal challenge in the same way that they fear a physical challenge. everyone has this idea in their head of the man hating/bashing feminist when really all we want is for men to listen to our ideas without "fear" of imaginary violence against them, or without trying to minimize our arguments by comparing them to reactive physical violence.
I read it a couple of times..I wasn't sure what I was looking for that was profound really, and I am still not sure I buy into this observation. I actually almost didn't post because I was sure I am missing something, maybe I am...
ReplyDeleteThe author doesn't really make any example of what these guys are saying in class, only that they are prefacing it with a disarming comment because they think or know its likely to offend. Now, if it follows from this that the statements are assumed to be as you outlined above then I would agree. But if that's the case, then why the hell is this guy smirking at the remarks of his male students?
I can see the stereotypes from where the idea is coming from, a lot of what he is saying parallels with things I saw in my own classes at VCU... and unfortunately still see at GMU to an extent. But nothing as radical as what you are implying.
Now that's not to say that a lot of fuckheads might use this sort of mechanism as a way of maximizing their verbal damage and escaping consequence. But in a college setting? I just expect more.
For me atleast, the first thing that comes to mind when ever I say something I feel is politically incorrect is "I wonder if I will get hit for this." And if I say something that I know will intentionally upset someone, like attacking their identity or convictions, I'd be an idiot to think I was going to get away scottfree... maybe these girls ought to kick a little ass?
i may be imposing meaning to his argument based on my own experience, but i do see your confusion in terms of how the author framed his argument. I think it would have been a bit more effective if he hadn't admitted to encouraging/validating that behavior in his class room.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, the fact that he did encourage such behavior shows how seemingly innocuous these comments are when they go unexamined. i know you mentioned that when you say something potentially un- "politically correct" you say you wonder if you'll get hit. why? has that been your experience in the past? (honest question, not provoking you. see i even feel the need to point out that i'm not actively provoking you!).
i think this has been at the heart of the issue for me- when have these/any women become physically violent in a classroom setting? the fear is not of physical violence, but of being intellectually challenged. so why compare an intellectual debate to physical violence? because thats an easy way to shut down the opposition.
because no matter what he/she says next, it will already appear to be an attack on your opinion, something (ubiquitous) you made blatantly clear by prefacing your statement with "don't hit/kill/hate me". now they have to frame their response in the nicest way possible, so that you do not feel attacked. otherwise, the reply will seem to be irrational/combative, because you have already compared it to violence. does that make sense?
I was a quiet kid and I was surrounded by people with sensitive convictions. That and Mom would go upside our heads if we said something stupid. Its not so much a real threat is felt, its more like just a lingering thought when ever I say something challenging to anything. But its because of this that I wonder whether this blog was implying that the preface was a conscious decision or a socially conditioned habit. (Side note provoke all you want, the only reason I replied to this was for personal knowledge; I enjoy it when people challenge my views, otherwise I'd carry a whole bunch of bogus presumptions with me)
ReplyDeleteBut yea, it makes sense; its an interesting scope for people watching. I am just curious as to how much this behavior is actually malicious and how much of it is a societal issue.
ReplyDeleteugg seriously...look at this.
ReplyDeleteliz lemon put it best- "grad students are the worst".
we should start playing video games or something.